This pilot has 20/20 vision, but can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
NAS FALLON, Nev. — Navy fighter pilot, Lt. Lance “Ox” Mandrake, graduated first in his classes at the Naval Academy, Flight School, and TOPGUN. But his records indicate that, despite his 20/20 vision, he has yet again been passed over for promotion to O-4 for a glaring inability to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
“I would imagine it has something to do with the nine grams of sugar per serving and the addictive tendencies of America’s increasingly obese youth. I actually wrote my thesis on the subject,” said the un-promotable moron, who pursued a Master’s Degree in Health and Fitness during his shore tour as Test Pilot.
“He has impeccable vision, flawless depth perception, and the most perfectly formed retinas I’ve ever seen,” said Navy Corpsman and kid who loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 19 year-old HN1 Aidan Bixby, who administered Mandrake’s annual flight physical. “But the big dumb idiot just couldn’t see that it’s the cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite.”
“Some have proclaimed …
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.