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Report: Thousands of US troops trying to transfer to Canadian military

PENTAGON – The Pentagon is reporting a massive surge in the number of troops requesting transfers to the Canadian Armed Forces in the past week.

“We really can’t explain it,” said Pentagon spokesman Peter Cook, “but as of early this morning, we’re suddenly seeing a 5,000 percent spike in the number of troops requesting international interservice transfers. I have no idea why.”

After Duffel Blog filed a Freedom of Information Act request to access military personnel records, an administrative clerk at the Pentagon told reporters, “Fuck it, just take the files, we’re all gonna die in a massive nuclear strike from North Korea anyway."

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