WASHINGTON — The federal government has unveiled a new funding option called ‘Work Until You Die’ for federal employees and uniformed service members under the Thrift Savings Plan, sources confirmed today.

The new option is being offered alongside TSP's 10 lifecycle (or "L") funds that automatically allocate savings into other investments in the member's portfolio as they approach their inevitable and frightening slow decline and inevitable lonely death. Investment advisors say lifecycle funds are often the best option for those who want to save for retirement but have no clue what the fuck they are doing.

Following the retirement date structure of the L 2025, L 2050, and others, the ‘Work Until You Die’ fund has been affectionately dubbed “L Never.”