TikTok ban exposes PSYOPs-led secret dance battle with China

WASHINGTON — The announcement by President Donald Trump to ban the use of the Chinese social media app, TikTok, has revealed details of what has been up until now a secret psychological operation–led military dance war with the Communist regime.

A study of thousands of videos of US service members acting without discipline, have shown most turned out to be part of a pre-planned and carefully calculated PSYOP mission. These secretive dance battles served as a distraction to trick the People's Liberation Army into thinking that the US military was wasting all its time recording service members doing stupid dances, instead of training for war.

When asked what possible sense such an operation could make, a senior PSYOPs officer responded, "As much sense as starting formation early so it doesn't start late, and then punishing people who don't show up a half hour ahead of the early scheduled start time for not being on time."

The popular app, which is widely used to record viral videos dances, has been used by US service members for years. Although PSYOP leadership has yet to admit involvement in this operation, recent reports have suggested the PSYOPs dance battle goes as far back as 2014.

One agency lead, who asked to remain anonymous for security reasons, noted: “These types of missions solidify our military’s global power and show our adversaries that we can not only beat them on the battlefield, but on the dance floor, too.”

Several other DoD agency heads stated that they had been hiring service members to act unprofessionally on the internet for years in-order-to gauge the reaction of other countries.

The TikTok ban caused a bit of heartburn for young service members who were part of the secretive PSYOP dance battle mission. Soldiers and sailors said that they would no longer be able to show off their “moves like Jagger” while numerous Marines and Airmen were upset that they would not be able use their “money moves” to help the government any longer. Despite this, the military will continue to look for other online avenues to help its service members put their lack of discipline to good use.