TAMPA, FL — The Commander of the 6th Air Mobility Wing at MacDill Air Force Base announced today that he would no longer allow chairs to be used by his airmen. In his weekly command-wide email, Col. Lenny Richoux stressed the importance of good posture, physical fitness, and "standing tall."
"We must remember that chairs are detrimental to good posture, mobility, and discipline," he wrote, "so effective immediately, all chairs are to be removed from offices."
The Command Chief Master Sergeant, Derrick Crowley, wasn't buying it.
"This isn't about posture. The Colonel's just plain sick and tired of this 'Chair Force' moniker. Being around all these CENTCOM doorkickers all day long means we have to put up with all their crap."
Richoux denied that this had anything to do with the "unofficial Air Force nickname."
"Our Airmen, whether they are flying jets, piloting UAV's, or gathering intelligence, are always sitting down. This stuff has got to be bad for their back."
Some airmen at the command were angered.
"How the hell am I supposed to work under these conditions?" said Senior Airman Gregory Jones. "So we use chairs. Big deal. It doesn't mean we all should be at standing desks like a bunch of idiot hippies."
Many chairs on the base have already been removed in order to meet the deadline of March 9.
Richoux closed his email with a sharp warning.
"Anyone caught sitting down will be court martialed. Don't be the one."