Trump declares fire stories 'fake news' after 82nd Airborne descends onto University of Notre Dame
NOTRE DAME, Ind. — Students at the University of Notre Dame witnessed a spectacular display today as they looked up into the sky —thousands of paratroopers rained over the campus before securing the area for none other than the commander-in-chief, sources confirmed.
"Most of us just stopped in our tracks and stared," said one student. "Were we being invaded? I dunno, the whole thing was surreal. Some people were freaking out."
President Donald Trump ordered soldiers from the 82nd Airborne Division, a unit celebrated for its role in Normandy during World War II, to save the university after news stories of a blazing fire began to surface.
"I'm well aware of the difference between Notre Dame and the University of Notre Dame," said Maj. Gen. James Mingus, 82nd Airborne Division commander. According to sources, Mingus and several other advisers attempted to articulate the difference between the burning iconic cathedral in France, and the university in America that still thinks it has relevance in football.
"Look, President Trump made it very clear that we were going to be jumping into one of the Notre Dames," Mingus added. "Frankly, this option was better than the alternative."
Shortly after troops gained control of the university, Trump arrived on Marine One to personally assess the situation. Fearing another 9/11-style attack was underway, Trump expressed shock after analysts reported there was no evidence of any fire prior to their arrival, according to sources.
"There are no fires at University of Notre Dame. Fake news strikes again! #NoFireNoCollusion," Trump tweeted.
American forces have confirmed six Army ROTC cadets killed in action. They were mistaken for terrorists due to their inside-out uniform blouses, backwards hats, and rubber rifles — likely role playing as insurgents for cadet training before the real soldiers arrived, sources say.
University officials weren't available for comment due to the massive influx of students seeking PTSD counseling.