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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0348 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Trump plans to force Taliban to negotiating table by January 2025

Filed · 1534

WASHINGTON — Saying that he has unleashed the United States military and "taken the gloves off," President Donald Trump reiterated today that he would crush the Taliban insurgency and force them to the negotiating table by January 2025, sources confirmed.

Though he stressed that he was implementing a new Afghan war strategy not impeded by artificial time tables for troop withdrawals, Trump insisted that victory would be at hand sometime in the next eight years or so.

"We're about to turn the corner in this fight," Trump told reporters in a press conference after he outlined a new strategy on Monday.

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