ISTANBUL – Turkish soldiers and airmen are furious after being called in this weekend to overthrow their elected government, sources report.
“President Erdogan has been an asshole for years,” Capt. Mehmet Ahmet told Duffel Blog via Skype from an F-16 cockpit. “But these jerks pick the weekend of my sister’s bridal shower to finally knock him out? It’s bullshit.”
Senior officials in the Turkish military have been quick to defend their actions, however.
“We took our motto from the U.S. Army National Guard: ‘Always Ready, Always There,’” Gen. Alpaslan posted online.
“We’re trying to live up to that saying and embrace the Turkish warrior ethos. Besides, as General Dempsey once told me, it's not possible to overstress your troops."
Junior soldiers have mixed feelings on their command’s decision.
“We spent all day Friday cleaning and maintaining our tanks since our sergeant told us we’d get off early if they were sparkling clean,” Pvt. Emre Adem said. “He lied. But at least our tanks actually work for once.”
“I don’t get the rush though,” he added, “America’s just going to make awkward press releases and watch us take power anyways.”