Uncle Mattis gives Jared Kushner 'Super Duper Secret Clearance' to stop him from crying

WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has persuaded Jared Kushner to stop crying and stomping his feet after losing his interim Top Secret clearance by offering him "an even better clearance," sources confirmed today.

White House sources say that Mattis, known to Kushner as Unky Matty, knelt down and put his hand on Kushner’s shoulder as the 37-year-…