Unemployed Veteran: Wow, I'm So Happy The Unemployment Rate Dropped

The following is an opinion piece written by Jason Sievers, a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan now living in his parent's basement.

Hey, did you hear the news? The unemployment rate for Post-9/11 veterans was only 7.5 percent in April. That's down from 9.25 in March.

I must say, I'm absolutely ecstatic. In fact, I helped do my part to lower that percentage.

No, I didn't get a job.

Sure, I've been looking around quite a bit, and there are plenty of well-regarded positions open as a truck driver or a cashier at McDonalds. Hell, with my extensive infantry experience — with multiple firefights and bombs blowing me up in Iraq and Afghanistan — I could easily get a job as a security contractor so I can go and get in multiple firefights and have bombs blow me up in Syria or Pakistan.

But I digress.

What I mean is: I did my part to lower the unemployment rate, because I just ran out of unemployment checks last week. I just dropped out of the labor force. It's all because I'm so encouraged there are so many jobs out there for me to do, that I decided I didn't really want any more of that government cheese.

Sure, they would have cut it off anyway, but I really didn't want it.

I mean, when you think about it — what's a few hundred bucks going to do for me and my family, really? Besides, these checks are needed much more by unemployed people who didn't ever serve in the military, because if it comes to it, I have already received pre-homeless training many times while sleeping on the ground in combat zones.

To be honest, I already have my disability pension from the V.A. pending. That probably won't take all that long to get, right?

I've done my fair share of job interviews. I show up in a nice suit and a tie, you know the drill. But somehow when they get to the part on my resume that says I have military experience, they realize that I'm just way overqualified for the position.

It's ok though. They always thank me for my service before they have security guards escort me out of the building. I guess it's because they want to make sure I don't end up getting lost or something.

Alright, well I have to go. I've heard Wal-Mart is hiring a bunch of vets nowadays, and my life's dream has always been to be a door greeter at one of my hometown supercenters.