NEW YORK — The United Nations’ Department of Peacekeeping Operations (DPKO) has quietly announced the postponement of its planned invasion of the United States for the 26th year in a row, sources confirmed today.
“We’ve suffered another setback, unfortunately,” said Jean-Pierre Lacroix, under-secretary General for Peacekeeping Operations, to a small group of reporters atop the General Assembly Building in Manhattan. “With nearly 60% of our 90,905 uniformed troops and police officers being non-deployable due to Class 3 dental issues, we just don't have enough bodies to occupy a country the size of the United States, much less disarm the populace and send them to re-education camps."
“This is worse than three years ago when our soldiers flooded the bathrooms in the abandoned Walmart during Jade Helm," he added.
Much to the disappointment of InfoWars viewers everywhere, the long-awaited Red Dawn-like scenario of repelling the gun-confiscating Blue Helmets apparently won’t be happening this year, experiencing another delay like it has every year since New World Order agent Bill Clinton became president.
Lacroix also expressed frustration at the constant roadblocks to the Globalists' plans to subjugate the nation with the highest gun-ownership-per-capita on Earth.
"After our Manchurian candidate left office last year, we no longer had the US military available to 'execute Order 66,' if you know what I mean," Lacroix said with air-quotes as he referenced Star Wars Episode III. "I called my friends Vladimir and Jinping to send reinforcements for when we launched, but their aircraft carriers broke down at sea and never arrived."
At this point in his public address a black, unmarked UH-60 arrived on scene and hovered overhead, cautiously descending toward the General Assembly rooftop.
"Well, at least our rotary-wing aircraft are actually flying this time," the under-secretary general yelled above the loud roar of the aircraft's blades. "Last year, our fleet of black helicopters was grounded because we used up our fuel-budget flying a bunch of illegal immigrants and Syrian refugees through the southern border."
"I will confer with my friends at the Deep State about trying this again next year. I'm sure our plan will actually work then."
The black helicopter then rose into the air and camouflaged itself against the sky, turning nearly invisible before flying toward the Continuity-of-Government base at Raven Rock.