WASHINGTON, D.C. — Pentagon spokesperson Col. Steve Warren announced US aircraft participating in Operation Inherent Resolve, the code name for the campaign against the Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS), struck targets in Tel Aviv today.
When asked why US warplanes would attack a long-standing ally, Warren explained, "Look, guys, this all makes perfect sense," pointing to a nebulous PowerPoint slide.
"This was all supposed to be a campaign to topple Bashar al-Asad in Syria, starting with the Arab Spring in 2011. Which, in turn, allowed us to get back at Iran and Russia, both of whom support Syria," said Warren. "So the CIA considered arming the rebels in Syria, which kind of backfired, and now we have ISIS, a group we thought we had already defeated back when they were al-Qaeda in Iraq."
Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter further explained, "Sure, we were a little worried when ISIS started running around the Middle East, chopping everyone's heads off. But fortunately, Iran came to our rescue. Well, in Iraq, that is. We're still fighting Iran in Yemen."
