By Cat Astronaut

With the majority of American troops expected to withdraw from Afghanistan in the coming weeks, the United States has quietly dropped the words “Enduring” and “Freedom” from the operation formerly known as Operation Enduring Freedom.

“Henceforth, all U.S. military activity in Afghanistan shall be known simply as ‘The Operation,’” read a Department of Defense press release, which went largely unreported by major news outlets. “This new mission is better aligned with our country’s strategic goals in the region moving forward, of which honestly your guess is as good as ours.”

The statement added that the name “The Operation” was chosen because it was the only thing “appropriately vague and ridiculous enough to capture the full absurdity of the past 20 years.” 

Share

While polls show a majority of Americans support the withdrawal, most of those surveyed also support “leaving some sort of token force behind just for the nostalgia.” The Pentagon says a small contingent of security personnel will remain behind indefinitely to conduct Military Operations Other Than Freedom (MOOTF).

“Freedom or not, Afghanistan will always maintain a precious place in our hearts,” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “Through our steadfast efforts in The Operation, we’ll continue to provide the Afghan people the same erratic and muddled support that we always have.”

Experts predict the Taliban will retake swaths of territory in the wake of the U.S. withdrawal, but the U.S. says it will remain committed to helping Afghanistan achieve operation. 

“We’re still dedicated to providing our Afghan partners all of the operation they need, so long as there’s no freedom or endurance involved,” said Austin. “At this point, I believe we’ve all endured enough freedom for a couple generations, anyway.”

Cat Astronaut is a demobilized mobile infantryman and the creator of Ye Olde Tyme News.

Leave a comment