By Addison Blu
THE PENTAGON — Due to Russia’s ongoing attacks against Ukraine, the U.S. military has forbidden service members from playing Russian Roulette.
“This is the Department of Defense’s own kind of sanction, a sign of solidarity,” Col. Andrew McDowell told journalists while pouring a bottle of Mr. Boston vodka down a drain. “History will remember how well the United States military supported our ally at the onset of World War III.”
Servicemembers have also been banned from other popular off-duty activities, such as playing Russian characters in Call of Duty and marrying Russian mail-order brides.
“Being in the military means potentially making the ultimate sacrifice: symbolic gestures against other nations,” said McDowell. “But in this case, we’re not even asking that much. The troops are still allowed to play other nations' roulette-themed gun games.”
In further support of American allies, the Air Force has been asked to discontinue its Russian Caviar consumption. “We have …
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