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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

0417 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Vatican denounces soldier who ate MRE poundcake, had miracle image of virgin mary

Filed · 1545

KANDAHAR, AFGHANISTAN - Vatican officials are denouncing a U.S. Army soldier today after learning that the deployed service-member ate a "miraculous and holy MRE poundcake," according to a witness statements.

Miracles happen everyday throughout the military, from having a bullet miss by inches to a roadside bomb failing to detonate. For Specialist Tom Moore, it meant finding a divine piece of lemon poppyseed poundcake.

While field stripping his MRE's prior to a week long operation, the 24 year-old infantryman and devout Catholic decided to snack on a poundcake. Upon opening it, he found the most accurate depiction of the Virgin Mary ever to be discovered.

He posted the image to Facebook before stuffing the poundcake inside his rucksack as a good luck charm.

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