Veteran who scorns 'welfare queens' pads VA disability claim

DENVER — Former Marine Jacob Sellers, who regularly expresses disdain for low-income recipients of public benefits, has been eagerly padding his VA disability claim since being honorably discharged last month, sources confirmed today.

Sellers, who suffers no daily physical limitations to his quality of life, recently spoke with Duffel Blog reporters during a break from drafting a list of every minor illness or injury he ever experienced on active duty.

"My friend Mike told me I should file for every medical problem I ever experienced while I was in,” said the former artilleryman whose truck bears a bumper sticker that reads “work harder, millions on welfare depend on you.”

Sellers, who scorns “welfare leeches” for subsisting on “his tax dollars,” described how the claims process gives the benefit of the doubt to the veteran. “So if they can’t disprove that a condition is service-related, then, boom: free money.”

Despite never missing an opportunity to sneer at “EBT Accepted” signs in stores, Sellers could barely conceal his enthusiasm at the prospect of receiving no-strings-attached monetary benefits from the government every month.

“Even if I only get a 30% disability rating, that’s still- what, like $400?” He went on to recall that “the old salts down at the American Legion even told me what keywords to use with the doctor during the VA physical,” referring to a common practice for increasing the likelihood the VA will assess the greatest possible severity for each physical condition.

“The more documentation in your medical record for each condition, the better your odds of a higher rating,” he explained. “But if you don’t have documentation for something, they’ll even accept letters from people you served with. Like, ‘oh yea, he complained about his back every day in the field.’ I’m definitely gonna try that.”

At press time, the veteran who derides welfare recipients as “addicts who refuse to get a job” was finishing his sixth beer of the day and beginning an application for unemployment benefits.