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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Tuesday, 29 September 2026

Air & Space

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

White House says redesign projects discipline, strength and “absolutely no historical parallels”

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

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Vol. 15 · No. 116

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Tuesday

29 September 2026

1234 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

← Front page
Veterans · Page 2

Vets with similar combat experiences try one-upping deployment masturbation stories

Filed · 1538

Jimmy’s Tavern — Two Army veterans with similar experiences in combat have been unable to top each other's tales from Iraq and Afghanistan and now transitioned to stories of masturbation, sources confirmed.

“These two guys are regulars, and I usually ignore their B.S, but this time it was over the line,” said bartender Jimmy Montoya. “We had kids in the restaurant area and Mike is going on about cleaning jellyfish out of a shell casing that he turned into a hajji flesh-light. What the hell does that even mean?”

"Mike" is Army veteran Mike Conliffe, who like his friend Richard Turner, is an infantry staff sergeant with multiple deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan.

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