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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

2159 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Walter Reed medics tell president to return during sick call hours

Filed · 1549

BETHESDA, Md. – Medics and corpsmen at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center responded with the poise and compassion characteristic of their profession when the president arrived at the military’s flagship hospital earlier last evening.

“I told him the same thing I tell everybody when they show up all sad-faced and mopey while we’re closing the clinic,” Spc. Will Farmer, a medic assigned to the hospital, said as he smoked a cigarette near the executive sick call entrance. “Take some Motrin, drink water, and come back at 0430 when sick call starts hours if you really think you need to be seen. I see it all the time. Last week some supreme court lady was trying to get an appointment after sick call hours.”

“He’s probably just trying to get out work, or a debate or something.”

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