War in Afghanistan turns 16, earns driver's license

AFGHANISTAN — It seems like only yesterday US troops launched their first airstrikes on Afghanistan in October 2001. Now, the war has grown up and earned its driver’s license.

The war’s proud parents — the 1979 Russian Invasion of Afghanistan and the First Anglo-Afghan War of 1839 — are amazed at how time has flown for their young war, whom they call “Operation Enduring Stalemate."

“He was so innocent in those first days of 2002, just after 9/11. He was such a ‘good war,'" the parents said.

But just over a year later, the War in Afghanistan had a baby brother, the War in Iraq.

“Well, you know how it happens. Along comes a new war and suddenly all the attention goes there instead of to the older sibling,” said the war’s mother.

Sources indicate the War in Afghanistan has gone through many phases as it has grown up, including its youthful innocence phase, its “well, at least it’s not as bad as Iraq” phase, the “let’s leak a classified assessment to get more troops” phase, a “why are our own allies shooting at us” phase, the “what do we do now after Bin Laden is dead” phase, and yet another neglect phase.

Sources also indicate the war’s childhood friend, Pakistan, is no longer a valuable ally.

“You know, I just don’t think we’ll ever be able to let our young war go,” said the war’s mother.

“Well, knowing him, he’ll still be with us until he’s 25 and begging for cash from us until he’s at least 40,” responded the war’s father.

His parents aren’t sure what lies ahead for the 16-year old, but they suggested it might want to consider enlisting in the US military, as it will be old enough to do so in just two years.

The war's parents were last seen wondering when the War in Afghanistan would start birthing little wars of its own.