DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Your weekend safety brief, Yoda gives

DAGOBAH — Up you will listen, hmmm, yes!

The Force, it surrounds us. You, the rest of this formation, sergeant major, we are all part of the Force. Piss off the Force, and destroy you it will.

When drunk you are, drive you will not. Your instincts will not guide you. There is much beer that clouds your judgment, young drunk driver. If DUI you receive, trust in the Force to rip you a new one.

Marry a stripper you must not. Your feelings betray you. It doesn’t matter if your friends told you it’s worth the BAH. You must unlearn what you have learned.

Dancers, prostitutes, and strange women are strong with the Dark Side. Deceive you they will! Syphilis you will get, hmmm, yes. Whores not make one great.

If my weekend you disturb, ruin your life personally I will. Judge me by my size do you? And where you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.

If late on Monday you are, First Sergeant will smoke the company until you arrive. It is you and your humiliation the First Sergeant wants. That is why your friends are made to suffer.

Soon I will rest, and you should too. Monday at zero-six-hundred in PTs with reflective belts I will see you. Have a fresh haircut you will.

Released you are.