Deployment Queen Expecting Royal Baby
KANDAHAR AIRFIELD, AFGHANISTAN — Officials from the 10th Sustainment Brigade confirmed that Specialist Catherine Rodriguez, who was crowned Deployment Queen upon the brigade’s arrival in Afghanistan, is expecting a royal baby.
The startling news comes just three months into the deployment, after Rodriguez was admitted to the Kandahar Airfield’s aid station with a severe case of morning sickness. No fewer than fifteen male soldiers have watched over her in the aid station, claiming that they are “just nice and concerned.”
The news comes after much speculation over when Rodriguez would become pregnant during the deployment.
“It’s no secret that Catherine has been courted by plenty of royal suitors over the last few months,” said royal watcher Sgt. Allen Wales.
Catherine — who has been described as a “real deployment 10” — first caught the attention of Capt. William Knights when he saw her hunting and pecking at the keyboard in the company orderly room, clad only in her PT shorts and T-shirt, accented with a pink reflective belt.
“It was so adorable, that she had absolutely no idea how to type. So I decided to help her out … maybe to get on her good side, you know, for later,” said Knights.
Royal watchers note that even though Rodriguez comes from common stock, being an enlisted woman, she carries out her royal duties as a natural would.
“She stepped right into her role as the Deployment Queen,” said Sgt. Wales. “Within a week, she was deftly managing her doting admirers, who cleaned her rifle, and helped her PMCS her truck. She was able to attend many more social functions, such as Salsa Night, when admirers volunteered to take her place in the TOC.”
Duffel Blog’s colorful Page 3 has been abuzz with speculation over the identity of Catherine’s latest paramour.
“I mean, it’s no secret she’s had more boyfriends than Taylor Swift,” said Private First Class Mark Dennis, who works in the motor pool. “It’ll be interesting to see how this turns out.”
At press time, Duffel Blog was unable to receive a statement from Rodriguez’ royal subjects, who were currently scrambling to crown a worthy heir. Royal watchers speculate a new heir will come from either the S-1 or the Brigade Aid Station lines.