New Army Policy Makes Fraternization Mandatory
The new poster for the campaign was hastily put together.
THE PENTAGON — Ahead of an October 1st publishing, details have been leaked of the Army’s new policy to prevent sexual assault within the ranks.
The military has recently experienced a massive surge in reported sexual assaults and top brass has seemingly been helpless to address the problem—until now. In a departure from longstanding tradition, the Army has decided to attack the problem of sexual assault by making it a regulated part of military life.
“I can see how some would be confused about this,” said Brig. Gen. Lilith Heisenmeiser, a Pentagon spokesperson, “but we realized something last year when considering how to deal with this problem. It is a cultural problem, not an institutional one. That is to say, it is an American problem, not an Army problem."
Heisenmesier believes the problem can only be solved if the "culture of America changes."
"If we can’t solve the problem, we can at least regulate and quantify it; essentially…
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