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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

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· Page 2

Military uses Miley Cyrus performance to 'crush soul' of Al Qaeda

Filed · 1544

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the infamous Miley Cyrus performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, U.S. military psychological units have been broadcasting the video to every known Al Qaeda operative worldwide in an effort to confuse, depress and annoy the hardcore, battle hardened terrorists into surrender.

"We used the same strategy in Panama," said Pentagon spokesman George Little. "Noriega gave up after we blasted music at the embassy where he'd taken refuge. We have no more effective weapon in our arsenal than shitty, soul-crushing American pop music."

Operation: What The Fuck Did I Just Watch? has so far been a resounding success, with thousands of Al Qaeda operatives having dismantled their sleeper cells and returning home to contemplate the worthiness of their struggle.

"I've spent my entire life fighting the infidels, hoping to Allah they would lead a more pious life," said Mustafa Fadhil. "I simply wanted to help them, help themselves, by murdering them. But after seeing Miley Cyrus twerking on stage, I realized these people are beyond redemption. Game over, man. Game over."

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