WASHINGTON, DC — The White House revealed a major diplomatic breakthrough with Iran today, after the President of Iran prank-called the Oval Office and asked for Barack Osama before giggling like a schoolgirl, sources confirmed.
“Yes, YEAH! Is Barack Osama there? Osama?,” said Hassan Rouhani, muffling the telephone so President Obama would not hear the laughter. “Sorry, is this Domino’s? I need 50 large pizzas delivered to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, right away.”
A White House spokesman confirmed the call as a historic communication with the Middle Eastern nation, as it was the first talk between Iranian and U.S. presidents since 1979.
Rouhani had made significant changes with regards to international relations in recent weeks, tweeting “Merry Christmas” to his Israeli neighbors on Monday, and apologizing to the Germans for the Holocaust just this morning.
“Is your refrigerator running?,” Rouhani asked the President in the two-minute call. “Well, that’s because you let it out of the house like the indecent whore she is!”
Sources in the Oval Office confirmed Obama was confused by the conversation, and thought Rouhani may have been having translation problems.
“Uhhhhh … look I’m not going to say that I’m looking for Amanda Hugginkis,” Rouhani said, “but YOU WILL DO IT OR WE WILL CONTINUE TO ENRICH URANIUM!” before abruptly hanging up.
G-Had and Courtney Massengale contributed reporting.
Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.