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Army Runs Out Of Red Tape

WASHINGTON DC — The Army’s top logistician has confirmed that due to the government shutdown, the Army has completely run out of red tape.

“We’ve been relying on our emergency rainy day stockpiles of 3M 764 Red Vinyl Tape for the past two weeks, but that supply has been totally exhausted,” said Lieutenant General Raymond Mason, the Army G-4’s Deputy Chief of Staff.

According to LtGen. Mason, because of the shortage many soldiers in administrative and other support units have been forced to get out from behind their desks and actually do things, creating a service-wide boom in productivity.

Duffel Blog was surprised to be able to sit down with LtGen. Mason in an on-the-record interview which did not involve a binder full of talking points, six layers of aides or three weeks to set up.

Our correspondent asked him if he could provide some concrete examples of this new-found efficiency.

“Sure, but first I’ll just need you to fill out these six documents in … ” he began, looking at the empty desk in front of him.

“I guess I’ll just do it then,” he muttered.

Duffel Blog reporter Jay contributed to this report.

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Tom Recker
2 years 1 day ago

They were going to order more but the ordering process is full of red tape….oh, wait…

2 years 5 months ago

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Lundy Jenn
2 years 9 months ago

That explains my husbands extra duty he’s been working 24 hr shift seven days a week since goverment shut d

Christopher Leete
2 years 9 months ago

Good Heavens! next thing they’ll be running out of chow line.

Tony Maravola
2 years 9 months ago

I know where there is a large supply…


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