Army Runs Out Of Red Tape

WASHINGTON DC — The Army's top logistician has confirmed that due to the government shutdown, the Army has completely run out of red tape. "We've been relying on our emergency rainy day stockpiles of 3M 764 Red Vinyl Tape for the past two weeks, but that supply has been totally exhausted," said Lieutenant General Raymond Mason, the Army G-4's Deputy Chief of Staff.

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