WEST POINT, NY – Coaches of the Army football team at West Point confirm they are putting the finishing touches on the "forward pass" — a move they say will be groundbreaking for their players soon to take on the Navy Midshipmen.

“We wanted to try something different this year,” said West Point head coach Rich Ellerson, who had always wanted to coach high school-level football while being paid millions of dollars. “Every single year we try to run the ball straight up the middle into the opponent’s defensive line, with admittedly, little success."

The Army Black Knights, aspirants to NCAA Division I football, could have simply rested on their laurels after an impressive 3-8 record this season, with games where they scored many field goals and succeeded in occasionally moving the ball towards the opponent’s goal instead of away.

But such acceptance of mediocrity is not in the DNA of the vaunted Black Knights of the Hudson, who have gone without a winning record since 1996 and have lost the previous 12 Army-Navy rivalries, a losing streak on par with the actual Army they deign to represent on the gridiron.