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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Tuesday, 6 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Financial counselors unable to determine where approximately 10 months of pay went

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

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Vol. 15 · No. 119

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Deployed worldwide

Tuesday

6 October 2026

1734 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

← Front page
· Page 2

72 black-eyed virgins still waiting to give it up

Filed · 1543

AL JANNAH (Islamic Heaven) — Making a claim sure to confound many Islamic extremists back in the world of mere mortals, 72 dark-eyed virgins came forward this week to announce they’re still impatiently lounging about this divine garden paradise while restlessly waiting to "get the turf tapped" for the very first time.

The virgins — or houri as referred to in the Quran — allege that they have yet to receive even just one sensual and well-endowed martyr to teach them the ways of love, despite what they say have been sporadic promises that date as far back as the Fulani War of the early 1800s, and which have become much more frequent since 9/11.

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