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It’s A Delicate Balance Being Somebody’s Mentor And Fuck Buddy

By Boatswain’s Mate 1st Class Sam Ojeda, USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70) Deck Department

The old saying “always be training your replacement” has never been more important than in today’s cash-strapped Navy, which is why the sea service’s vast mentoring program is so vital to force readiness.

And after having been a mentor to at least a dozen junior Sailors over the past few years, I can tell you there’s nothing more rewarding than taking an eager protégé (or “mentee”) under your wing, passing your skills down to that Sailor, and then watching her go on to achieve great things.

But I’ve also found that you need to be cautious in those situations where you’re not only mentoring a young Sailor but also having sex with her on a regular basis, because the line between mentor and fuck buddy can get blurred real fast.

Simply put, there are just some things that are appropriate to do —  and have done to you — as a mentor that just wouldn’t be appropriate as a fuck buddy, and vice versa.

For example, a big part of mentoring my current protégé, BM3 Keebler, involves me instructing her on the finer points of seamanship. With knot tying, for instance, I’ll show Keebler how to tie an advanced knot, she’ll attempt to tie it a few times herself, and then I’ll give her feedback on how she’s doing. This is a simple but surefire method that’s proven time and again to be an effective learning tool.

But as it turns out, it isn’t a good tool to use whenever Keebler and I are both butt naked and smashing pelvis in the second deck fan room, because me constantly correcting her form and technique during sex just makes her start crying and saying I remind her of her uncle.

See, that’s the kind of thing that happens when you forget to take your “mentoring cap” off — with your coveralls, boots and skivvies — and put your “fuck buddy cap” on.

To counter such mishaps, having good lines of communication with whatever Sailor you’re mentoring and fucking is also important. Be aware, however, that the type of communication you use should be different depending on whether you’re acting as mentor or ass-tapper.

Like, when I’m mentoring Keebler on the job, I’m always very direct when speaking to her, and she knows I can be harsh when correcting her deficiencies, just as I am with all my Sailors. Life at sea is dangerous work, and there’s no time to treat people with kid gloves.

As Keebler’s fuck buddy, though, I tend to be much more laid back in our conversations, and usually I just let her do all the talking. In fact, after sex during any of our typical weekend rendezvous at the Super 8 in Imperial Beach, I’ll usually just lay there watching  the Ice Road Truckers marathon as Keebler goes on and on with this crazy fantasy of hers where I leave my wife and kids so we can get married and start our own family, or whatever.

It’s actually pretty silly, but I always play along because I figure it’s just Keebler’s overactive 22-year-old imagination getting the best of her.

Plus, it’s always important to be supportive of your junior Sailors. Be it as a mentor, as a boss, or as some discreet dick on the side.

Write that down.

Now, much like good communication, having a strong bond of trust with your subordinates is also key to maintaining the balance between mentor and fuck buddy. And much like the other junior-ranking females I’ve worked so hard to guide, lead, counsel and fuck, Keebler knows that she can always trust me to sign off on her gundecked maintenance logs, to keep her off the watch bill, and to make sure she never gets stuck having to lift boxes during a working party.

And in return, I know I can trust Keebler to never, ever inform the chain of command or my family about our special relationship, and to always be waiting naked for me with a bottle of peanut oil in the empty overflow berthing after I get done emailing that very same wife and kids of mine.

I also trust her to never stay pregnant for very long.

By day’s end, being both a mentor and a fuck buddy to the same person isn’t always easy. But like I said, it can be very rewarding, and I plan on keeping Keebler around as my mentee and fuck buddy for the foreseeable future … That is, unless I get promoted to chief next year.

If that happens, then it’ll be time to cut Keebler loose and move on to porking other chiefs’ wives.

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Scott Matts
1 year 10 months ago

2 Funny !


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Orin Higgins
2 years 7 months ago

I think it’s damn funny! It compresses all the horrible traits of at least 15 people I knew in the military into one satirical article! That’s talent right there!!!

Daniel Peters
2 years 7 months ago

to all those offended screw you! dont read it anymore then. its funny to the rest of us


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