Dick Scuttlebutt is an Army EOD officer.

I’m going to do you a favor and not make the usual EOD excuses. “There are other units in front of you.” “There was a suicide bombing at the front gate.” “We were on another call.” “QRF was late to escort us to you.” Those things are all sometimes true, but you know the real reason EOD often takes way too long to respond to an IED, while you sit on the road waiting to get shot at? Because fuck you, that’s why.

I don’t know if you know this, but we’re kind of a big deal. People know us. I’m not just quoting Burgundy: That shit is real. When is the last time a movie about your job won Best Picture? Fucking never, that’s when.

And who would make a movie about your boring job anyway? What would an article about your job be called? Infantry: “Walk Six Hours Up a Mountain And Get Shot.” Artillery: “Premature Utter Deafness.” Admin: “The Award Locker.” Cook: “Dude, Where’s My Coffee?”

Nobody makes movies about you because frankly, you’re not as amazing as us. So recognize. We will take our time getting to you because Reasons, and just you shut up about it.