WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus has ordered an immediate, fleet-wide halt to all "Talk Like A Pirate Day" activities, after a large number of incidents and accidents throughout the Navy, as well as hints and allegations of impropriety by enlisted sailors and officers alike.

In one case, an overly enthusiastic sailor on USS Alabama (SSBN-731) reportedly launched a submarine launched ballistic missile (SLBM) after Chief of the Boat Roger Jolie ordered "Avast, ye polliwogs. Prepare to send those Moscow bilge rats to Davy Jones' locker!" Fortunately, the master-at-arms relieved both men immediately and the SLBM was destroyed remotely just four miles downrange, according to a Navy spokesman.

The USS Winston S. Churchill (DDG-81) reported a short-lived mutiny, led by the ship's mess officer, Ens. Anne Bonny. Bonny was already under investigation after an outbreak of scurvy was reported. She is believed to have led the mutiny after Executive Officer Cdr. George Cody banned "Talk Like A Pirate Day" celebrations because of incidents last year, involving a "walk the plank" contest and a food fight during "Ham Night."

Other incidents include: