THE PENTAGON — The women of the Army presented a petition to the Joint Chiefs of Staff on Wednesday, calling for a return to the 1990's-era greyish-white physical fitness uniform because it is "so revealing," in the petition's words.

The petition was signed by all 76,695 women on active status, and demanded an end to “deceptive, obscuring fabrics which hinder quick judgment of junk size.” The petition was received without comment by the Secretary to the General Staff for General Martin Dempsey, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs.

A small but vocal rally was held after the presentation, where the organizers gave an informal press conference and handed out awareness stickers in the shape of penises.

“For years,” said Lt. Col. Felicia Arterton, commander of 626th Brigade Support Battalion in the 101st Airborne, and one of the leaders of the group, “we were able to tell at a glance which guys had the big dongs, and which ones were hung like Ken Jeong.”