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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

1241 Zulu

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Navy & Marines · Page 5

Major ISIS offensive goes unnoticed during Army-Navy game

Filed · 1541

RAQQA, Syria — The big winner of today's Army-Navy game may have been the Islamic State, which fought and won a major offensive while the U.S. military watched the game, Duffel Blog has learned.

ISIS spokesman Abu Mohammed al-Adnani, wearing a t-shirt that said "West Point Rope-Pushing Team," announced that the offensive captured dozens of villages in central Iraq while coalition forces watched Army lose to Navy for the 13h straight time.

“For over four hours, while the disbelievers watched their so-called ‘football’ game between the children pretending to be fighters from West Point and Annapolis,” al-Adnani said, “we routed the puppet forces again and again, praise be to Allah.”

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