Psychological Operations Debuts New ‘Longest Tab’
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Members of the Psychological Operations (PSYOP, PSYOPs, PYSOPs) community are triumphantly celebrating today as their regiment gets its first unique, regulation uniform tab that will be much longer than all others.
The tab, to be placed on the upper left sleeve of any military uniform, can be worn by any service member that ever held the 37-series designation, regardless of how they entered the occupation, sources said. The embroidery spells out the entire Psychological Operations name, therefore making it the longest tab available, already having been unofficially dubbed ‘the longest tab,’ in comparison to the Special Forces (SF) ‘long tab.’
Sources confirmed many SF soldiers had already been angrily venting on professionalsoldiers.com and Facebook about their hatred for the PSYOP symbol.
“Just get rid of PSYOPs and their tab. If we need a fucking loudspeaker on the mission, I can operate it myself,” said one Special Forces senior communications sergeant. “PYSOPS tab sux!” his junior communications sergeant added, in a response to the Facebook comment.
“If it’s a pissing contest they want, then good. I came with a full bladder because I’ve been shotgunning Red Bulls all morning and I got all the time in the world,” said one PSYOP Command Sgt. Maj who wished to remain unnamed but wanted his rank emphasized. The command sergeant major volunteered to have us record his urinating on video for said pissing contest, but Duffel Blog respectfully declined.
“We made sure that this tab went above all other tabs when we submitted our proposed uniform policy, so wearing anything above the PSYOP tab will be a violation of regs and I will personally find you and destroy you for it,” the sergeant major said. “Also, you better be wearing your helmet covers on your ACH at every jump!”
Many wearers of the rare President’s Hundred tab, officially the longest tab prior to the creation of the Psychological Operations tab, declined to comment. “I don’t really care,” said Staff Sgt. Jessie Williams, a Civil Affairs (CA) non-commissioned officer with the President’s Hundred, Ranger, Sapper and Airborne tabs displayed on his left shoulder. “I couldn’t wear another tab if I earned it. I’m just looking forward to the [Civil Affairs] Master Well Digger Badge.”
Opponents of the tab are arguing that it causes a degradation of the value of tabs, alleging that PSYOP is too easy to get into. However, PSYOP advocates argue that PSYOP is more elite for having fewer members than SF. Regardless, a petition website and Kickstarter non-profit fundraiser have already been created to help repeal the policy that makes what they call ‘the abomination’ officially part of the uniform.
United States Army Special Operations Command (USASOC) commander Lt. Gen. Charles T. Cleveland has already hinted that his approval may have been a case of bad judgment.
“We keep PSYOPs motivated to foster highly-intelligent, well-trained radio guards for SF. I mean, we were just having fun when we authorized this, because me and the boys thought it would be a riot, like when USASOC gave PSYOPs its own command and then revoked it a year later,” he laughed. “Wait, that gives me a great idea.”
At press time, a group of senior Advanced Special Operations soldiers had submitted plans for the longest tab ever.