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New Army Program Allows Recruits To Join Delta Force

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Critical manpower shortages have resulted in Delta Force allowing brand new soldiers to attend their selection and training pipeline right out of basic training, according to US Army Public Affairs.

“With the wars drawing down, the pool of seasoned candidates for CAG has grown too small,” reported Public Affairs spokesman Capt. Oliver Jones.

“Initial-entry enlistment has worked for years for Navy SEALs, Rangers, and Special Forces,” remarked Jones.

“And not that it matters, but just so you know, soldiers that fail at any point in Delta Force training will still fulfill their service obligations as Army supply clerks,” Jones mentioned in passing.

Supply clerks suffered the worst personnel shortage of any Army specialty for Fiscal Year 2014.

“Delta Force’s updated Assessment and Selection includes a 350-mile ruck march, six triathlons, and an equipment inventory,” claimed Jones excitedly.

“I’m also obligated to tell you that soldiers that perform too well during the inventory are failed and sent directly to supply Advanced Individual Training,” he quickly added.

“We get a mixed bag of CAG Babies here,” said Staff Sgt. Sonny Brown, an Army recruiter, in an interview with Duffel Blog. “Once in a while we get a professional athlete or a Ph.D., but most of the recruits that ship are just huge Black Hawk Down fans. Either way, I’m getting record numbers of enlistments.”

To enlist as a Delta Force Candidate, also known as a CAG Baby, a recruit must have a minimum Clerical score of 80 points and a total PT score of 90. The minimum commitment is six years.

Brown likes to remind his recruits that soldiers who finish the entire Delta Force Qualification Course will be given the standard promotion to E-7 and shaving profile.

Although recruiters do not share statistics with their recruits, the success rate for CAG Babies is rumored to be .0001% with a 2% margin of error.

Failing the first time is not always the end, though. “Now that I’m going supply, I’m gonna try out to work in CAG’s S-4,” said Pvt. Tommy Rocheleau in his exit interview for the Delta Force Assessment and Selection. “I won’t be a door kicker, but I can still be a box kicker, an elite Fork Lift Operator in CAG.”

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Kelly Turk
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

“Although recruiters do not share statistics with their recruits, the success rate for CAG Babies is rumored to be .0001% with a 2% margin of error” LOL Great!!

LLoyd Red Carroll
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

So, let me get this straight, if I enlist now I am qualified for supply so I’ll just run down and sign up since all I’ve got to do is flunk out the first day of boot camp and off to supply I go. What a deal. Hoo ray or is it ug-rah

Sindre Oter Olsen Øverlien
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

DUDE OPSEC!!1

M.G. Schiller
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

This could be the best scam since Eli Lilly & Co. started telling women during their commercials that Cialis COULD cause a guy to have an erection that lasts four hours!!! Hey, USAREC!! You reading this?? LOL!

Timothy Okey
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

“flunk boot camp”?

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