KABUL, Afghanistan — The diplomatic mission in Kabul is set to announce the issuance of Special Immigrant Visas to 1,000 Afghan interpreters who were recently murdered by the Taliban, Duffel Blog has learned.

"We've accumulated over 12,000 applications over the years and have been taking a lot of heat to get them processed," Ambassador James B. Cunningham told reporters. "Turns out the easiest ones to issue are for the folks who the Taliban already found in their homes and executed."

State Department officials in the region — cloistered away in fortified compounds where they can shuffle their papers in safety — have long been accused of gross mismanagement of the Special Immigrant Visa Program. In 2011, a total of three visas were issued to Afghan interpreters. While the numbers have increased modestly since then, progress is still slow for the thousands of translators who have not yet been kidnapped while drinking tea at a local cafe, been decapitated while being filmed for propaganda purposes, been thrown off a bridge after being burned alive, or simply murdered by family members for their association with the infidels.