FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — The U.S. Army has found Bowe Bergdahl guilty of violating dress and grooming standards, as well as missing all of his required online classes.

“The Army holds soldiers to the highest standard of honor,” Army Chief of Staff Gen. Raymond Odierno told Duffel Blog. “When Sgt. Bergdahl forgot to shave, and skipped five years of [equal opportunity] seminars, his honor became shit."

“Sure, he deserted his post and shirked his duty, but the real crime here is the hundreds of hours he missed in sexual harassment training,” Odierno said. “He didn't even have enough integrity and personal courage to keep his uniform serviceable as a prisoner of war.”