WASHINGTON — Vowing "swift, efficient action" on Syrian refugee admissions, the Obama Administration last month assigned the Department of Veterans Affairs responsibility for vetting the refugees, according to sources.

“Really, it’s a perfect fit,” said one White House official. “The VA is already used to dealing with dangerous, unstable people looking for jobs.”

Secretary of Veterans Affairs Robert McDonald welcomed the responsibility. “Like our mission statement proclaims, we are ‘to care for him who shall have borne this battle, and for his widow, and his orphan,'" McDonald said. "Well, except in this case it’ll probably just be widows and orphans. Well, maybe just girl orphans, at that. Anyways, we are fully committed to serving and honoring these deserving few.”