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Tomb Guard Wishes Asshole Photographer Would Go Away So He Could Get Out Of This Damn Storm

ARLINGTON CEMETERY — A soldier standing guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns really wishes that asshole taking photos of him as snow and wind pummel his face would go the fuck away so he could get back inside, sources confirmed today.

“Look around. No one is here. I could walk 21 steps inside that door over there and be drinking hot cocoa,” said Pfc. Brandon Chelley, a soldier assigned to “The Old Guard” of the 3rd Infantry Regiment. “But no, he just keeps taking snapshots of me getting creamed on by the Almighty.”

Since April 6, 1948, Tomb Sentinels have stood guard for 24 hours a day, 365 days a year — regardless of weather. During inclement weather, they are allowed to stand duty from a covered enclosure known as “the box.”

Unfortunately, Chelley says ‘Dipshit The Picture Boy’ is really ruining that possibility: “Can you imagine the ass-chewing I’d get if I’m photographed off the mat?”

For now, the soldier is continuing to walk the required steps at the Tomb so that everyone on Facebook and Twitter can relieve the onset of hypothermia via likes and shares.

“I could just shoot the guy,” he told reporters. “It’s not like there isn’t a perfectly good place to stash an unidentified corpse nearby.”

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Member

Yep. Truer words never spoken; this site is a joke. Obviously, your service did not put you in proximity to T.O.G. The tomb is off limits, 24/7. That’s the point. Noli Me Tangere! You just wouldn’t get it. Co. H, 3rd US Infantry (TOG) 1986-89.

EpsteinsMother
Member

What do tangerines have to do with anything?

Member

Surely those who visit this site, know it’s a satirical website ?

Too many people read the headline and not the story.
Trying to score points by taking the moral high ground.

Maybe they are the ones who should come back and apologize for getting it wrong.

Member
Alright folks, there seems to be some sort of misunderstanding here. This is Duffle Blog. Duffle Blog is a satire blog written about life in the military by current and former members of each respective branch of service. For those who have served, you know our humor is kind of a closed club, for those who haven’t, now you know. This is satire, if you don’t like it and you haven’t been in the military, you just don’t get it; plus we don’t give a shit what you think about the jovial commentary we make about out own institution. If… Read more »
lonnie93041
Member

Well that does explain a few things.

Member

come on people it’s a joke

2ID Doc
Member
Untwist your panties and to know about life in the Old Guard, watch “Gardens of Stone” It shows that although most soldiers are there by chance not all soldiers are cut out for life as Honor Guards. I’m sure life has changed for 1-3 Infantry as it has for all soldiers all around. Do not believe anything you read on social media about the Old Guard, read wikipedia, or the Army’s own website about the Old Guard, Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, or Arlington Cemetery. Duffel blog and bs reposts on social media are full of lies, distortions, & satire.
Member

Who the hell are you? It’s duffle blog.

Member

ITS SATIRE YOU TWIT, THE WHOLE SITE, IT’S SATIRE!

wpDiscuz

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