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Shock Poll: Over 68% of Terrorists Don’t Believe Obama Is Muslim

AL-RAQQAH, SYRIA – In a shocking poll recently conducted among terrorist groups around the world, more than 68% of their members don’t believe U.S. President Barack Obama is actually a practicing Muslim.

The poll was run by Mujahideen for Public Policy (MPP), a non-profit group in the Islamic State which regularly conducts terrorist public opinion polls, such as the best way to kill homosexuals or how many slave girls is too many.

Mohammed al-Khabass, a senior researcher at MPP, explained the results to Duffel Blog.

“Among the terrorists we polled, over 92 percentof them said they heard regular associations of Obama with the Islamic faith, such as from InfoWars, Fox News, and leading Republican presidential candidates,” al-Khabass said. “However many also said that for someone who’s supposed to be helping out the global jihad he launches a surprisingly large number of drone strikes on us.”

While the poll was conducted earlier this month, shortly after Obama made the first visit of his presidency to a mosque, al-Khabass said even that blatant demonstration of submission to the will of Allah couldn’t make a truck bomb-sized crater in widespread terrorist skepticism. As detractors will point out, even George W. Bush visited a mosque.

Al-Khabass explained that the actual data behind the poll numbers was even worse. “For instance, 78 percent of terrorists don’t even believe Obama was ever a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, and of the 32 percent who do believe Obama is Muslim, two-thirds believe he’s secretly a Shia Muslim who takes orders directly from Iran.”

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, leader of the Islamic State, is one of a dwindling minority who have grown increasingly tired of trying to defend the U.S. president’s Islamist credentials to their fellow terrorists.

“Look, you can tell people about Obama’s indoctrination in an Indonesian mosque, freeing our brothers from Guantanamo Bay, letting our terrorists pose as refugees immigrating from Syria, the nuclear agreement with Iran, etc,” al-Baghdadi said. “You get the point. There are just some people out there who are comfortable pitching their tents in the sands of ignorance.”

Al-Baghdadi said it was unfair of others to pronounce takfir on President Obama and “held out hope” that Obama would do something concrete in the near future to demonstrate his Muslim credentials, such as reducing Israel to a sea of fire.

“There’s a disturbingly small minority,” he added, “and it’s getting larger, that are spreading rumors he was really born in Hawaii and is actually a practicing Christian.”

See Also: ISIS Terrorist Named ‘George Bush’ Sick Of Being Teased About Name

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Member
6 months 30 days ago

So, when one says “Practicing (insert faith here)”, does that mean that the individual in question hasn’t gotten their faith right yet, hence requires more practice at it?
To judge by the level of violence conducted by the most allegedly devout of pretty much every faith humanity has, they need a great deal more practice in their faith before proceeding further.

Still, funny story. Parody is best served as close to reality as possible.

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