PARIS – The French judicial system is reeling in shock after the controversial sentencing of Salah Abdeslam, a captured terrorist involved in the November 2015 attacks in Paris. According to a French press release following the hearing, Abdeslam will be forced to attend a Donald Trump rally and verbally profess a mild disagreement.
The sentence, delivered after a quick extradition from Belgium and guilty plea in France, left the normally composed Abdeslam wracked with sobs in the courtroom, his head down on the table in front of him.
“America is already great,” he was heard muttering. “Please don’t make me make it any greater.”
Courtroom personnel were forced to physically drag him from his seat, but Abdeslam offered no resistance as he was dressed in a Bernie Sanders t-shirt and given a #BlackLivesMatter button.
Sven Mary, Abdeslam’s lawyer who came with him from Belgium, intends to appeal the sentence on the grounds of disproportional punishment.
“This is insane,” Mary said in a statement. “I can understand making him go to the rally, sure, but having him actually say something? You might as well make him a Mexican.”
The details of the sentence have yet to be worked out, such as what type of mild, polite disagreement Abdeslam will have to mention. Some have suggested he recommend a subtle change in immigration policy, while others say that looking non-white and accidentally bumping into someone would be enough.
One idea was to have Abdeslam present statistical and factual evidence countering Donald Trump’s statements, but there is little evidence it would be understood and it therefore may not produce a reaction sufficient to satisfy the sentencing requirements.
When asked about what sort of inferences the sentencing made about his constituents and his campaign, the Republican frontrunner dismissed the criticism.
“People have said there’s some stuff going on,” Trump said. “I don’t know anything about it. I read a little bit about it on the internet. We’re going to look into that stuff and see what’s going on.”
The original sentence, which was to condemn Abdeslam to fifteen minutes in a train compartment with now-Staff Sgt. Spencer Stone, was declined by the Air Force due to fears that a partially-severed thumb and a near-fatal stabbing was already pushing Stone’s luck.