SHIELD BASE — After barely making the promotion list for his year group, Capt. America has been promoted to major and will now be serving in a staff role, according to sources.

Col. Nicholas Fury, America's commanding officer, confirmed the move but says it represents “nothing more than career progression.”

“It doesn’t matter how good you are at combat, you’ll eventually get promoted to doing paperwork,” Fury commented. “Besides, after his recent altercation with Air Force Lt. Col. James Rhodes, he’s lucky he gets to stay in the service at all. We think he’ll cool off up at battalion S4.”