CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Soon after President Donald Trump signed an executive order to authorize construction of the Keystone Pipeline, a large portion of the nation's military service members applauded the move as a helpful step towards more accessible domestic beer.

That is until Marine Pvt. Jeff Ertley visited the existing length of pipeline while on leave and was disappointed to discover the 1,179-mile pipeline is actually not full of Keystone Light.

“I got to the pipeline with my beer mug and a bag of pretzels, but there wasn’t a tap to be found,” an incredulous Ertley told reporters. “What good is a beer pipeline if I can’t get the beer? I’m beginning to think this whole pipeline authorization thing is just about politics.”