Trump reconsiders immigration ‘ban’ after learning it could affect his future ex-wife

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WASHINGTON — President Trump is considering rescinding an executive order temporarily barring people traveling to the United States from seven Muslim-majority countries, after he saw a story highlighting a gorgeous Iranian woman that he “absolutely had to grab,” sources confirmed.

According to senior White House sources, the President was watching his favorite shows when he came across a report on a young, buxom Iranian student affected by the ban. “Look at that broad,” a source quoted Trump as saying. “She’s like a Persian Melania — and those tits.”

The President immediately ran into the Oval Office where he began drafting an addendum to the executive order, which was obtained by Duffel Blog.

“Most provisions of my latest order will remain,” Trump wrote. “However it has come to my attention that while we paid close attention to heavy vetting, we forgot about the importance of heavy petting. We didn’t look closely at the numbers affected. The figures are staggering; and today I saw a figure that really got my staff’s attention.”

He added: “You know, I’m a real gentlemen; women and children first and all that, and you know, ‘women’ is the first word there. To that end, all immigration authorities have been provided with my updated intentions, and on a case-by-case basis, anyone who meets my standards, well, we’ll give them another going over — top to bottom. We want to keep out foreigners, but not foreign talent.”

After repeated questioning from the White House press pool, Press Secretary Sean Spicer told reporters: “Listen people, I shouldn’t have to remind you of this, but there are still many, many, legal paths to citizenship in this country that don’t include green cards, like for instance, marrying the President. Period.”

BlondesOverBaghdad contributed reporting.