Trump disbands Obama’s military ‘Transgender Command’

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THE PENTAGON — After nearly two weeks of controversial executive orders, President Donald Trump has issued his latest decision: Disbanding U.S. Transgender Command — often referred to as “TransCom” — a unified combatant command created by President Obama to promote LGBTQ lifestyles.

Citing his campaign promise to “end political correctness” in the military, the president reportedly issued the order without consulting his Secretary of Defense, James Mattis, and also chose not to confer with any of the three remaining members of the National Security Council with actual military experience.

“I was aghast to learn that my predecessor stood up an entire combatant command dedicated to such a small issue,” Trump said. “These commands are for whole continents, and for those special forces guys, and for the nuclear triad, which by the way, the power, the power is very important to me, but not for turning men into women, or women into men, which is just gross. And you know what? Caitlyn Jenner voted for me, ok?”

Sources at the Pentagon say the President was referring to what was originally known as U.S. Transportation Command, or ‘TransCom’, which was created in 1987 to give military personnel the experience of delayed flights, lost luggage, and those surly flight crews experienced by civilian air travelers.

Despite the fact that President Obama disbanded that command and co-opted ‘TransCom’ for his radical social agenda in 2011, TransCom was still referred to as “gay” by service members before it became the military’s headquarters for the LGBTQ lifestyle. This was presumably due to the fact that most of its service-members were airmen and seamen.

“The President studied the issue closely. Ultimately, he relied upon his most trusted expert in these matters,” White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer told reporters.

“The last administration distracted the military from its real purpose. How can the American people rest assured that its military stands ready to safeguard them when an entire combatant command comprised of tens of thousands of troops was established simply to cater to transgendered people? President Obama established Transgender Command, and President Trump got rid of it. That is a fact. Period.”

Sources say President Trump chose to rely upon the advice of one of his chief strategists and longtime confidants, who has been at the his side since 1983 and is now the Special Assistant to the President for Military Matters: His barber Gino, who did not want to give his last name.

“Gino is a salt-of-the-earth real American,” Spicer said. “Not one of these coastal elites hellbent on socially radicalizing America, and Gino decided there was no need for a unified combatant command dedicated to ‘that fanook shit.'”

At press time, President Trump had directed Secretary Mattis and prospective Army Secretary Viola to “find out what the hell ‘Warrior Transition Units’ were all about.”

G-Had contributed reporting.