WASHINGTON — The U.S. Coast Guard slammed the door and locked itself inside its bedroom late last week after learning its dad once again forgot to give it the budget the service had been requesting for many years.

The service reportedly stormed upstairs, locked its door, and burst into tears while surrounded by posters of advanced cutters, electronic equipment, and larger ships it had adorned on its walls in the hopes that it one day could have them.

"I just want at least one more icebreaker. One!" said the Coast Guard, noting that it had just two icebreakers, one of which was nearly 40 years old. The service has repeatedly told its dad it wanted 3 medium and 3 heavy icebreakers to at least stay competitive against the Russians in the Arctic.