CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — After hearing about the despicable nude photo sharing being conducted through a private Facebook group called "Marines United," highly-respected Marine company commander Capt. Christian Stone immediately threw his government workstation to the ground and crushed it to a pulp in a fit of rage, sources confirmed today.

“I just can’t believe Marines would do something so disgusting,” Stone told reporters after a rampage, in which he also destroyed his iPhone, home computer, the company XO’s personal laptop, and a random workstation at the base library.

“I’ve already started administrative action against all of the privates and lance corporals in the company.”