KOREAN DE-MILITARIZED ZONE — The Pentagon has deployed Defense Secretary Jim Mattis to the Korean de-militarized zone for a massive show of force against Pyongyang, sources confirmed today.
Flanked by a Navy SEAL Team as B-1B bombers flew overhead, a shirtless Mattis engaged in a rigorous workout as North Korean guards looked on. A number of guards expressed terror as the secretary knocked out 100 consecutive pushups while simultaneously singing Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue,” a senior defense official said.
The rapid deployment of Mattis to the region came after President Donald Trump promised “fire and fury” like the world had never seen in response to North Korean threats. Some speculated Trump’s remark was off-the-cuff bluster, but administration officials insisted that Mattis’ nickname of “Mad Dog” was changed to “Fire and Fury” late last month.
Although Mattis’ display of his 20-inch biceps and huge pecs are considered provocative, yet peaceful displays of power, officials privately warned he could at any moment unleash a knife hand and kill thousands.
Meanwhile, Kim Jong-un has challenged the US to a hot dog-eating contest, demanding that Trump send his best competitor and at least 4,000 hot dogs.
Special K and G-Had contributed reporting.