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Meteorologists Forecast Bowe Bergdahl Shit Storm

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WEATHER WARNING #06-02

REQUEST WIDEST DISSEMINATION TO ALL UNITS IVO THE INTERNETS

SHIT STORM WARNING

VALID TIME: 140602/1330D (140602/0900Z) – 140602/1930D (140602/1500Z)

FORECASTER: CWO WEINER/METOC/TACC/DSN: 357-6666

HIGH SPEED SHIT STORMS ARE OCCURRING OR ARE FORECASTED TO OCCUR WITHIN 10NM OF TWITTER, FACEBOOK, AND ALL ASSOCIATED SOCIAL MEDIA. FORECASTED WINDS ARE FROM 230°V290° AT 12-18 WITH GUSTS TO 23-27KT ISOLD 30KT. THE POTENTIAL FOR VISIBILITY REDUCED TO LESS THAN 5SM BUT GREATER THAN 3SM EXISTS DURING PERIODS OF BLOWING SHIT. TAKE PRECAUTIONS THAT WILL PERMIT ESTABLISHMENT OF AN APPROPRIATE STATE OF READINESS.

SALSA NIGHT AND THE DAVE ATELL / CLEVELAND BROWNS CHEERLEADERS (THE BROWNEYES) USO SHOW ARE MOVED TO HANGARS 4 AND 6 DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER.

A LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM OF JOURNALISTS REPORTING BOWE BERGDAHL AS AN AMERICAN HERO IS EXPECTED TO CRASH INTO A POWERFUL STORM OF SOLDIERS WHO SERVED WITH HIM AND CALL HIM A DESERTER AND TALIBAN COLLABORATOR.

FECAL MATTER IS EXPECTED TO ECLIPSE ALL OTHER NATIONAL SECURITY ISSUES, THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION DEBACLE, THE ONGOING WAR ON TERROR, F-35 ACQUISITION, OUTED CIA CHIEFS, IRS SCANDALS, ABANDONED DIPLOMATIC MISSIONS, PENDING ECONOMIC COLLAPSE, AND ANY MENTION OF FALLEN SOLDIERS OR DEAD VETERANS.

TAKE COVER. THIS IS A WARNING. TAKE COVER NOW.

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