F-35 Blows New Year's Resolution, Gains $25 Billion
LANCASTER, Calif. — The F-35 is experiencing yet another setback in development after reportedly blowing its New Year's resolution of "losing a couple billion dollars" in just the first few days of the calendar year.
Joining nearly 92% of Americans who fail to achieve their New Year's resolution, the F-35 was reportedly found alone in a dark hangar at the far end of an Edwards Air Force Base runway gorging itself on taxpayer dollars in silent shame.
"Ever since it lost the dogfight to the 1970's era F-16, the F-35 has been really depressed," said Air Force spokesman Lt. Col. Jerry Baskin. "We have been telling the F-35 that it was because it was not wearing its 'stealth coating,' but deep down it knew it was because of its over-sized engine nozzle."
While the news comes as a shock to friends and co-workers, those close to the program are not surprised. Navy test pilot Lt. Ben Robbins, who now flies an EA-18G Growler after his F-35C gained a whopping $64 million in 2015, is not surprised …
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